Amanda's Diary
By Amanda
Excerpts: Six Months in the Life of a Young FFA Thursday, April 5
Dear Diary,
I can't believe my Mother is making me go to this "Bon Ami" French immersion camp my so-called best friend told her about. Kayla can never keep her mouth shut. Then again, she also wants me to go so I'm stuck. My Mom spent a year studying in Paris in college (back in the stone age, ha ha) and ever since she's been what she calls a "Francophile." She loves all that is French. Our house is decorated with French furniture, art prints and dishware. Now I'm going to miss out on a gymnastics day camp that I wanted to go to, but Mom says I need to develop my mind too. And Diary, you know how I cannot stand my French teacher so a month of the summer lost, stuck in a French nightmare scares the hell out of me. The more I think about it the more I want to kick Kayla's butt. I'm too angry to write more.Monday, May 14
Dear Diary,
Well, I've now resigned myself to this camp thing I have to go in July. Mom paid for it so I'm done. Stick a fork in me. And Kayla never shuts up about it. She's driving me nuts with her "Bonjour Amanda, Merci Amanda, and Au Revoir, Amanda." The camp is about an hour away on a lake. At least we will be spending some time doing fun things like boating and swimming. And maybe I'll be able to practice gymnastics at some point. I know I go on and on about gymnastics but Coach Linda says I'm the best on the team and I want to stay that way since I'm starting high school next year and I want to be varsity. But at least we won't have to spend eight hours a day learning French! AND it's co-ed, which is kind of exciting, although I don't like any of the boys in my French class right now so I'm not sure I will find any there either. None of them will compare to Jonathan.Saturday, June 9
Dear Diary,
I found out something about this French camp that has my wheels churning, Diary. These are the times I'm thrilled I have a super strong padlock around your pages. But I must spill! Kayla told me that there are a couple of other summer camps held on the same lake as ours, and one of those camps is a weight loss camp for boys. You know, those kinds of camps that advertise in the back of Seventeen magazine? When she told me that she kind of laughed, but I've been thinking about it ever since… a camp full of fat guys… some might be really cute…Diary, you know about my thing for chubby guys and their soft squishy tummies…why am I suddenly looking forward to this?Friday, July 6
Dear Diary,
Well, I leave tomorrow for camp, but don't worry,Diary, I'm taking you with me. I need your support going into uncertain territory. I'm all packed up and ready to go. And I've been thinking about that fat camp a lot too. When I'm not thinking about Jonathan, of course. I know sometimes I go on and on to you about my crush on Jonathan. He's just so cute with his adorable blue eyes. He was looking pretty chunky the last part of the year, so squeezable. Since next year is our first year of high school maybe he'll join something I'm in or be in one of my classes so I can talk to him or something. He and his friends are all in, like, band and drama and stuff. Mine are all in sports. There are some mutual friends but I never get to talk to him. And I soooo miss seeing him now that school's out! So I hope I can forget about him for at least the next four weeks… sigh…Sunday, July 8
Dear Diary,
Well, I got to camp yesterday and it was kind of lame. The camp counselors were acting like this was the greatest thing in the world and we should all be so thankful to be there, but all in French though so I didn't understand half of what they were talking about. I still haven't seen boys from "other" camps though (giggle). I hope to soon!Tuesday, July 10
Dear Diary,
FINALLY! Yesterday was murder, we were stuck in French classes, language, culture, art, boring, boring, boring… And then today we went swimming! It turns out we share the same swim area and boating equipment with the fat camp! They were leaving as we were going in and I saw all kinds of chubby boys of all shapes and sizes. I'm not sure why, Diary, but I thought it was so cool. You know I like thicker guys but some of these boys were REAL big and I mean, I had to try really hard not to stare. I'm already plotting how I can get see more of them. Diary, wish me luck on my sneaky instincts. I really need to try something!Friday, July 13
Dear Diary,
After a few days drought I saw them again. I figured Friday the 13th was as good a day as any to risk trouble and see more for myself. This morning I told our cabin counselor I didn't feel good and eating breakfast with everyone would have me throwing up for sure. I knew that they were going straight to some art lesson afterwards so I had at least a couple of hours to do my thing. When everyone left and went to the "mess hall" on the opposite end of our camp area, I snuck out into the woods toward the fat camp area. It took me a little while to find it. For a minute there I was afraid I'd get lost. But then I heard some yelling and I went toward the noise. From behind a tree I saw them all. About 30 or 40 fat guys doing jumping jacks and sit-ups. It was so cool. But there's one I really zoned in on. He was about average height and in-between size. Not the biggest of all those fat boys but pretty fat anyway. He was soooooo cute! Ohmigawd! I have to know who he is! He's not hard to miss since he has light blond hair and just a perfect tan face. Like he could be a model or in a boy band or something, just fatter. I watched his belly jiggle from the exercises and loved it. I'm so embarrassed to write this, but I really like that his belly is even bigger than Jonathan's. Wait Diary, after seeing this guy, Jonathan who?Saturday, July 14
Dear Diary,
Today was completely taken up by the Bastille Day thing. We spent the day learning about the French Revolution. It was actually kind of interesting but my mind was elsewhere. I've been thinking constantly about how wonderful it would be to hug that blonde boy. So today I plan on making headway in my quest to find that cute blond guy again.Sunday, July 15
Dear Diary,
Good news! Since Sunday afternoons are free time for us, I enlisted Kayla to spend our free time hiking in the woods. We took a side trail I knew was the direction I wanted to go. Kayla was getting all worried about getting lost. I told her not to worry since I knew where we were going. Then we came upon a small group of big boys in a clearing near some archery targets. But none of them had that light blond hair. They didn't see us at first. Kayla whispered to me something like, "Amanda, those are guys from the fat camp." I told her I had already seen some a couple of days ago. She was worried they would see us and we would get into trouble. But I didn't see one of their counselors around so I felt bold and walked from behind the brush that was hiding us from them. Kayla tried to stop me, she's such a wimp sometimes. They were kind of shocked to see me I think, but I didn't care. I just walked right up. It's kind of weird, 'cause I'm usually not so bold. I was real casual about it, asking them if they were also in the French immersion camp. They kind of laughed and said they were at "Camp Bear-Wolf" which I already knew of course. Kayla came out then and just stood there with me without saying anything. I think she was kind of nervous, well, I was even more nervous, trying to be cool on the outside but getting worried about getting caught. Still I must have been thinking fast when I asked, "Hey, do you guys know a real blond guy at your camp? He's not super tall or anything, but is real tan and you can't miss his hair." And one of them said, "You must mean T.J. Miller. Do you know him?" I lied and told them we both knew the same person but I didn't know him directly. I didn't want to get into trouble. At least I found out his name! I'm going to have to tell you more tomorrow, I got the lights out call!Monday, July 16
Dear Diary,
Okay, more again Diary! On the way back from our walk to the fat camp, Kayla quizzed me about this blond guy T.J., and how did I know him. I spilled it (well most of it) to her and she was kind of shocked, partly that I had already been such a sneak, but also that I had a crush on a boy from the fat camp. But she's a pretty cool friend and being nice about it. She's busy trying to hook up with a guy in our camp so she's occupied with that anyway. I've been thinking I could write a note to him and figure out a way to get it to their mailroom. Maybe our mail person can help? This may require some more scheming, Diary. Did you ever think I could be such a bad girl?Tuesday, July 17
Dear Diary,
Well, I've decided to write the note. After a private conference with Kayla on it I think I have the courage. Kayla thinks I'm cute enough for him. She says that if Jason Larson likes me (you remember Diary, the soccer-guy from my school that I went to last year's mid-winter dance with) this T.J. guy ought to. I think T.J.'s way cuter though. I'm really nervous. I'm going to say something like, "Hi, I'm Amanda, I'm over at the French immersion camp. I don't know about you but I'm way bored with this camp thing. Can you meet me this Friday night at 6 near the archery area?" Is that too forward, Diary?Wednesday, July 18
Dear Diary,
Okay Diary, I did it. I sent him that letter. I asked the mailroom lady about it and she told me I could just put it into the inter-camp mail and he should get it today still, since I guess she does mail for all the camps. I'm so freaking out! I did include something like "If you can't meet me can you send a note back through inter-camp mail to me, Amanda Nicholas?" so if he can't I might know why. I'm sooooo nervous!!!!Thursday, July 19
Dear Diary,
I didn't hear anything back from him and I'm just a basket case. I'm too afraid to attempt one of my trips through the woods. What if he just ignores me? What if he didn't get it right away and there was no time for him to get back to me? Well, I'm just going to go tomorrow night. My mind is set on meeting him.Friday, July 20
Dear Diary,
Well, I'm about to leave to meet T.J. (hopefully). I'll write more when I get back (if I do without getting into trouble).Dear Diary,
I'm BAAAACK! He was there!!!! He came with fellow camper I recognized from the first run-in with Bear-Wolf campers. I felt so stupid since I was alone. But he is so gorgeous, I just went right up to them and said, "You're T.J. right?" And he smiled and said, "Yeah, how do you know me?" and his friend said, "You know someone he does or something?" So I just got out of that lie by saying something like I thought so but I guess I was wrong. So then he asked, "Why did you want to meet me then, anyway?" Diary, I was a total idiot, I just froze and didn't know what to say, especially with his friend there. I just kind of blushed. Then he kind of elbowed his friend and his friend said something about having to leave. So then it was just him and I, standing there. I suggested we walk around the hike path so we wouldn't get caught. While we walked I got a better look at him. He was wearing a t-shirt that had some weird surf logos, board shorts and cool new basketball shoes. His hair glistened in the afternoon sun and his eyes looked so sky blue. His face is kind of round and he has the most perfect skin. His belly is pretty big too, I could occasionally tell how big when the breeze would blow against his shirt. I wonder how much he weighs? I'm about 95, so I wonder, could he be twice my size? That would be so cool. Diary, I'm in love, I swear. Oh crap, lights out, I'm going to write more tomorrow. It's getting real juicy!Saturday, July 21
Dear Diary,
Oh I'm so glad I have a little time this morning to write more! I had a hard time going to sleep last night. So anyway, T.J. and I walked and talked some. He asked me all about my camp and I went on and on about all the boring stuff we do. I wasn't sure how to ask him about the fat camp. I didn't know if he was sensitive about it, but then he brought it up and said his dad wanted him to lose weight for baseball since he's supposed to be really good so they sent him to Wolf-Bear. I was just like, "Oh, I didn't think you needed to be skinny for baseball." He just said it's better to be in shape for it. Plus he said he wouldn't have to listen to his parents all summer. What else? Oh, he told me he's starting at Glenview High School next year, which is like, I guess about 20 miles from mine, so he's not that far away (grin). I was worried about making back for bed check so I didn't get to talk to him much more but we agreed to meet again tonight after dinner. I'm so excited. Wait til I tell Kayla!Dear Diary,
We met again. Diary, I'm freaking out. He's just so damn cute. We kissed tonight! Okay, I'll go back to the beginning. We met again at the same place, this time he came alone. I brought him a Kit Kat bar since I figured he was probably desperate for something really good to eat. They probably feed them food that tastes like cardboard. He blushed and thanked me. He looks so cute when he blushes! His chubby cheeks get all reddish and he looks away. He is kind of shy I think. It was weirdly cold out tonight so he wore a sweatshirt and khakis. I wasn't smart enough to wear something warm so he offered me his sweatshirt. When he took it off I caught a glimpse of his bare belly under his t-shirt. He is pretty fat, and I was liking it! The fat bulges that come out from his sides were really obvious since his t-shirt was kind of tight. But his sweatshirt dwarfed me. At least my shivers went away. He didn't seem cold at all though, the tough guy. We sat down to talk more in this little area that the trees and bushes kind of enclose. We whispered about all kinds of things, and I kept inching closer so I could hear him and he could hear me. Then we thought we heard someone walking through the woods so we stayed quiet for a few minutes just looking around and then looking at each other with silent laughs. The noise went away so on my hands and knees I went over to whisper in his ear, "Do you think they're gone?" He nodded back and we were face to face. I leaned into kiss him. I just did it! Diary you would have been so impressed. And I think he was too, because he kissed back. I'm kind of nervous now though, since I reached out to rest my hand on his big waist he jumped up and said he had to leave. He did say he would like to meet me again though tomorrow night! But for now I'm going to sleep with his sweatshirt on (yea!)Sunday, July 21
Dear Diary,
We met again. Oh he's so wonderful. He told me he was sorry he left so suddenly last night and I told him I was just glad he came to meet me again. We had a little more time together since we both have "get out of jail free" cards on Sundays. That was his joke! He's so funny besides being a total hottie. He told me his real name is Thomas James Miller, III. (The third!) That's why he goes by T.J. so he doesn't get confused with his dad. We kissed some more. He's a nice kisser too. Well, I've only French-kissed one other boy before but he sure seems like the best. Besides, I am in French immersion camp so I should be Frenching, right? Ha Ha. But I was too afraid to try to get my arms around him. I didn't want him to run off again! I brought him another snack, this time a snickers bar. He told me I was bad! Diary, am I bad? I don't get to see him for a few days since I can't get away tomorrow and he has some field trips this week. Waaaah!Wednesday, July 25
Dear Diary,
I am going though T.J. withdrawal. I miss him and his cute belly too. When will this week end?Friday, July 27
Dear Diary,
We met again and did lots more kissing. Then he started asking me again about why I sent him a note to meet him and how I knew him. I came clean and said I spied him out and wanted to meet him. He didn't believe me. Then he told me that the guys at his camp were all talking about the hot chick from the French camp that knew him. I was like, "They thought I was hot?" and he was like, "Well, yeah, you are totally." I'm so in love with T.J.! What a sweetheart he is! I'm so going to miss him. I wonder if he'll want to stay in touch with me. I hope so!Sunday, July 29
Dear Diary,
I didn't get to see him yesterday but we had our long Sunday afternoon rendezvous today (see Diary? I am learning French). I have HUGE news. He asked me to his homecoming dance this fall. Since we're both starting high school, ya know? Then I told him he'd have to go to mine and he was like, "You won't be embarrassed to be seen with me?" and I was like, "No way, you're a total hottie." He blushed again. You know how I love his gorgeous face when it gets all red! And then he said something about losing more weight before then. I told him he was cute the way he is. He's kind of down on himself about his weight. He said he's lost about 15 pounds this summer. I said, "Well that's cool if you're happy about it but I think you're body is really nice." I think I freaked him out a little, but I was being honest. Isn't honesty the best policy, Diary?Wednesday, August 1
Dear Diary,
We got busted! Oh man Diary, I never felt so stupid before. I was with T.J. again and after a nice walk and some hand holding, we started making out like crazy. He had his hand up the back of my shirt when one of his camp counselors walked up and said, "What the heck is this?!" We both jumped about three feet off the ground! The counselor was like, maybe college age? Kinda chunky himself. He looks at me and goes, "I can see you're not one of our Bear-Wolf campers so you better get back to your own camp young lady!" I gave T.J. a quick kiss on the cheek and took off. As I was walking away I heard the counselor say to T.J., "Between you and me, nice one, but it IS against the rules, you know." So I'm sending him a note by camp mail to meet again in a new spot Friday night for our last chance to see each other. I leave Saturday. I never would have thought I would miss this place but boy am I! T.J. has been my knight in shining armor this summer.Friday, August 3
Dear Diary,
I'm so sad. I was crying on my walk home. I'm going to miss T.J. so much. He's still got two weeks left at camp. I know I shouldn't think this way but I hope he doesn't lose more weight there. The cool thing is that he says that after he goes home he wants to have me over at his house to water ski since they live on a lake. That would be so cool. I'd get to see him in his swim trunks! And I could show off in my bikini. I'm a naughty one, Diary, I know. We kissed madly and exchanged info, so I got his email, address and phone number and before I left. I am one unhappy camper, pun intended. I'm sending him an email and a letter as soon as I get home.Saturday, August 4
Dear Diary,
My mom picked me up and she was all excited to speak to me in French. I was like, Mom, I've had enough, give me a rest on that for a few days. I just want to hear English for a while. She asked me whether I made new friends and I told her that in fact one new friend invited me over to his house to go water skiing. She wanted to know what the deal was with my new friend being a "he." I told her he's still at camp for a couple of weeks so it came out that he wasn't a French immersion kid. She was like, "What camp is he at?" And I told her it was called Camp Bear Wolf, and she asked what kind of camp it was and I told her, "Well, Mom, it's a weight loss camp." She kind of looked shocked. She asked, "Did your camps socialize?" and I said, no, that we kind of just ran into each other. She didn't need to know I was a total schemer or anything.Monday, August 20
Dear Diary,
It was so awesome! My mom drove me to his house and it's huge. His dad is a lawyer and must be like a millionaire or something cause T.J. lives like a king. We went to the door and his mom answered. She seems really cool. She's really pretty and petite. It's hard to believe a big guy like T.J. came from that tiny woman! But he definitely looks like her. And then T.J. came down and he looked so cute. He does look like he's lost a little more weight but he still has plenty of chubbiness to make me happy. His mom and my mom sat and talked for a little while while T.J. showed me his house. And we snuck in some kisses while we were upstairs. After my mom left T.J.'s mom made us lunch. She's a really good cook and seemed to let T.J. eat as much as he wanted. I was glad about that. I would have been so pissed if she would have been like, "Oh T.J. don't eat so much, you'll gain the weight back." I guess his dad's the one who sent him to the camp in the first place. So anyway we changed into our suits and went out on the lake. His mom drove the boat while we skied. He took his shirt off before jumping in and he looked so good. His tummy is really tan and soft. I tried not to stare. Bu I also noticed he's got really nice thick thighs, like kind of muscular too but thick and a soft butt. I was liking what I saw very much. So then it was my turn and I stripped down to my bikini. He was totally checking me out and his mom caught him eying me. It was so funny! I hung in there pretty well. T.J. was very impressed with my skiing! We were out there for hours. It was THE BEST day of my life. Then last night I met his dad. He had just gotten back from a business trip. He was pretty nice. He asked me all bout school and what I was into. They all had me talking about the French camp and gymnastics and my new school I was starting at. T.J.'s sister came home after dinner with her boyfriend. She's going to be a senior in high school. She's really pretty with blonde hair and big boobs. I was surprised because I saw a picture of her when she was younger on the wall and she was kind of plain and pretty chunky with glasses. She had kind of an attitude. She was like, "So what, you're T.J.'s girlfriend?" really sarcastically. Her boyfriend kept looking at me too. It was kind of weird. After dinner we went to T.J.'s room and played video games and talked for a while. Then we watched a movie and kissed. I rested my hand on his tummy and he totally let me leave it there. He told me he thought I was beautiful and he says he's never liked anyone as much as me. I'm so in love. So this morning my mom came and picked me up since I start gymnastics practice this afternoon. She was totally quizzing me again. She kinda knows he's my boyfriend now and she seems cool with it.Monday, August 27
Dear Diary,
Today was my first day of school. It was surprisingly easy. My older brother's friends were nice to me and I met a bunch of new people. And I saw my old crush Jonathan too. He's skinny now. Yuck. He's totally not as cute. I know that's mean Diary but I can't help that I liked him fatter. And the most ironic thing is that he's hanging out with some of my friends now and they told him I had a crush on him so he's flirting with me. So WHY didn't that happen last year? But now I'm totally into T.J. and Jonathan's old news.Saturday, September 1
Dear Diary,
You won't believe this. Jonathan asked me to the football game tonight. I was like, well, I'm on the Dance team so I'll be busy with that. And he was like, "Well I'll see you after the game." And I did see him. He asked me if it was true that I liked him. I was honest, yeah, last year I did, but I told him I had a boyfriend from a different school. He seemed kind of pissed.Friday, September 7
Dear Diary,
I'm throwing a quick entry in before school! Tonight is going to be great! T.J. is coming to our football game to see me! I'm going to do my dance team thing and then sit with him to watch the game. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow!Saturday, September 8
Dear Diary,
Last night was so cool. T.J.'s sister and boyfriend dropped him off after school and he met me with a big hug! We walked around town a little and had ice cream. I'm glad to report he's not lost any more weight (grins). After a few hours I had to go back to school to prep with the team. T.J. said he'd kill a little time at the nearby music store before the game and I'd meet him after our half-time performance. He was such a sweetheart telling me how good I was! We sat with a few of my friends. They were pretty cool to him, but one of my so-called friends and I went to the bathroom and she was like, "He's pretty fat Amanda, what's up with that?" I told her to get a life. I won't put up with that crap. She shut up after that. THEN, it gets weirder. I took him to the party my brother's best friend was having after the game. Jonathan was there and he was kind of drunk. My brother introduced T.J. to a couple of guys on the baseball team and while they were talking Jonathan cornered me and was like, "What do you see in that fat kid?" I told Jonathan he was being a moron since he was drunk. And he goes, "What the fuck, you liked me and then I lost weight and now you're dating a fat guy? now you're with him? What's your damage?" I just looked at him and said, "Listen to yourself, Jonathan. You're answering your own question." And walked away. Some guys never get it.Saturday, September 29
Dear Diary,
Well, tonight's the big night. I haven't seen T.J. for a few weeks, since he came to our football game. Now he's coming with me to my homecoming dance. I got a great dress; it's kind of satiny royal blue with spaghetti straps but not too short so I don't look slutty or anything. My report will come tomorrow!Sunday, September 30
Dear Diary,
It was so romantic!!! T.J.'s dad hired a limo for us and he picked me up looking so good in his suit! He smelled awsome too! AND gave me roses - a dozen white ones! My mom took all kinds of pictures and I can't wait to see them. We had dinner at this really nice Italian restaurant, and he ate all my leftovers, yea!! And then we went to the dance. We socialized a little with my friends but I was really put off when Mike Traylor was like, "Hey Manda, I heard you met your boyfriend at fat camp." I'm not happy with Kayla for blabbing to everyone about me. I mean I'm not ashamed of T.J. he's so perfect for me, but whose business is it where we met? After that I pretty much spent alone time with T.J. on the dance floor and we slow danced a few times. He's good at it, you know like he knows how to hold me close, make me feel safe in his arms. I feel so small and tiny with him which is the most awesome feeling. It made me wonder how he learned to do that! We left the dance a little early so we had a little bit of make-out time before the limo had to go back. It was perfect. Next week is his homecoming!!!!Friday, October 5
Dear Diary,
My mother, in her amazing sympathy for my fashion needs, bought me another dress for his dance. I've had to promise a lot of slave labor to her, but I had to have it. This one is "champagne" colored, how sophisticated! It's long with a slit up the back and little pearly beads on it. I also found shoes to match at a discount store so it wasn't too pricey overall. My mom is doing my hair up with wispy tendrils; she really does like T.J. - he knows how to be polite and talkative with parents. I want to make a good impression with his friends since I won't know anyone there. I'm actually really nervous. The big report will come Sunday!Sunday, October 7
Dear Diary,
Oh Diary, you can't believe how lucky I am to have such a perfect, incredible, gorgeous boyfriend. Last night was great! This time my mom drove me to his house and our parents took pictures together. They took a few with their digital camera and when I saw them I realized I had been clutching T.J.'s side and you can totally see me grabbing his fat! What must his parents think of me!! I think he's gained a little weight back because he's looking and feeling even nicer. Anyway, his dad drove us to the hotel where the dance was being held and we had dinner with some of his friends. They were really nice to me. T.J. made my night when he told me he was proud to have me with him. We did more of that wonderful slow dancing and I totally melted into his sweet body. His sister gave us a ride back to his house and we stayed up late watching a movie, well really we just made out and I fed him a couple of bags of microwave popcorn. My mom picked me up this morning and now I'm just missing him way too much. If it weren't for the daily emails I'd be a complete mess instead of half a mess. I wish we were able to see each other more.
Postscript
Amanda and T.J. dated throughout high school, and now go to college together at a large northwestern university. She's a physical therapy major with a French minor and is on the dance team for a certain professional basketball team not far from school; T.J. majors in civil engineering. He's the fattest guy in college baseball with his .300 batting average with a weight to match. And of course he's Amanda's pride and joy.